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Writing the Story of How Hard We Try...

Annie Hall
"Let us go then, you and I, When the evening is spread out against the sky Like a patient etherized upon a table; Let us go, through certain half-deserted streets, The muttering retreats... Streets that follow like a tedious argument Of insidious intent To lead you to an overwhelming question... Oh, do not ask, "What is it?" Let us go and make our visit."* ts eliot, “The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock”

"I swear, in me there is no wizardry of words"*Czeslaw Milosz, "Dedication"
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"hearts colors change like leaves"*tv on the radio, "ambulance"

"And a fear that you haven't done well enough-you wonder if you've got what it takes to keep butting up obstacle courses for yourself and to keep leaping through them, sprained ankle or not. again the refrain, what have you done with all your years"*Sylvia Plath, unabridged journals

I write a lot of poems. I make lists about everything. I worked in museums and followed my dream of going to Harvard [for a masters in Education]. Now, I'm a teacher, and love my kiddos. Despite this, I can't spell. I eat a lot of salad and dream about scantily cooked meat now that I'm no longer vegetarian. I love airports, the act of being in transition, of going. I brush my teeth often, really often. I wear rings on my middle finger usually and play a lot of songs on repeat. But, And So It Goes is my #1 favorite song of all time (followed closely with Death Cab for Cuties Into the Dark). I drink enough coffee to kill a small horse. I have read everything Sylvia Plath has written. I listen to a lot of NPR and am building up a great vinyl collection. I take too much on the belief that people are decent. I'm learning how to cook (all over again) and learning how to live a post-college, real-world, bill-paying, eating ice-cream-for-dinner-if-i-want-it life.

I have a habit of romanticizing the airplane, especially because I fell in love on one. I love getting pedicures and doing educational research. I will read or watch anything that involves a boarding school, vampires, the fifties or mobsters. I'm not Jewish but love teaching at a Jewish school. I change my hair color a lot, like hand-written letters and wake up every morning and check nataliedee.com. I hate socks, and love shoes. I'm in search of the last great thing I'd love to own--a vintage Underwood typewriter. I am trying to figure out the limitations of perspectives and the contrast between light and dark. I'm trying to connect it all, writing poems, collaging, writing notes, drawing pictures, taking photos. I'm trying to put it all together, the way things reflect on other things and how we work in the world.

I love Chicago, skyscrapers and big shoulders. I love my car, known affectionately as death taxi. I cannot wait for Autumn. And winter. And Christmas. I've gotten to live in Hyde Park, then in an apartment with my best friend and got to see the lake. Now, I have a place with hardwood floors and a lovely gentlemen forever. I've got a fantastic job, great co-workers, and the best students in the world. I, for the first time, am not counting down to anything. And I'm finally not sorry for anything, either.

"I know now that almost everyone wonders something like that, sooner or later and no matter what he or she is doing, but one of the mixed blessings of being twenty and twenty-one and even twenty-three is the conviction that nothing like this, all evidence to the contrary notwithstanding, has ever happened to anyone before."*joan didion

"I knew that nothing stranger had ever happened, that nothing stranger could ever happen. Why should I be me, or anyone? What held us all together or made us all just one? How I didn't know any word for it how "unlikely". . . How had I come to be here."* elizabeth bishop, "in the waiting room"

"I was only broken by the sources of things"*anne sexton

Read in 2010
1. No One Belongs Here More Than You: Miranda July
2. Lust for Life: Irving Stone
3. The Monstrumologist: Rick Yancey
4. If There Is Nothing to Desire: Vera Pavolva
5. This Is Where I Leave You: Jonathan Tropper
6. The Thirteenth Tale: Diane Setterfield
7. Franny and Zooey: JD Salinger
8. Wishful Drinking: Carrie Fisher
9. T4: Ann LeZotte
10. The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo: Steig Laarson
11. Because I am Furniture: Thalia Chaltas
12. One Of Those Hideous Books Where The Mother Dies: Sonya Sones
13. What My Mother Doesn't Know: Sonya Sones
14. Elsewhere: Gabrielle Zevin
15. Dani Noir: Nova Ren Suma
16. The Lazarus Project: Aleksandar Hemon
17. Eating the Dinosaur: Chuck Kolsterman
18. Bite Me: Christopher Moore
19. My Mercedes Is Not For Sale: Jeroen Van Bergeijk
20. The Girl Who Played With Fire: Steig Laarson
21. Juliet, Naked: Nick Hornby
22. Sold: Patricia McCormick
23. The Forest of Hands and Teeth: Carrie Ryan
24. Zebrafish: Peter Renyolds
25. The Selected Works of T.S. Spivet: Reif Larsen
26. Dark Places: Gillian Flynn
27. Dead in the Family: Charlaine Harris
28. The Likeness: Tara French
29. What Is The What: Dave Eggers
30. The Resistance: Carla Jablonski
31. The Man Who Loved Books Too Much: Allison Bartlett
32. Bruiser: Neil Schusterman
33. The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet's Nest: Steig Laarson
34. The Maze Runner: James Dashner
35. The Twenty Day Puberty Journal of Duane Homer Lech: Gary Paulsen
36. The Last Summer of the Death Warriors: Francisco X. Stork
37. Faithful Place: Tanya French
38. Identical: Ellen Hopkins
39. The Book of Joe: Jonathan Tropper

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Like I said, really private. Just ask. why do we turn the tv on to help us fall asleep? why, when we were young, did we take the greatest comfort in falling asleep under the dinner table with guests al around? or on the coarse couch while our family watched a movie? because we don't want to be alone when we leave this waking world*dave eggers, "how we are hungry"

credit to everybody__lies for the f.o. banner
and credit to movements for the amazing layout
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